I am excited.
Today I woke up and my thoughts were different. I found them to be more refined. I was drowning in a pool of my own self-pity and I was angry at the world and its translation. I played the game of life and I was consistently disappointed with each and every outcome for one reason or another.
It was winter and everything was beautiful. Fluffy, pure, and everlasting. We needed the precipitation to dispel our dry and callused normal. To desperately need the snow I was now surrounded in and being too hung up on my own interpretation of its existence to welcome its balance into my life. Snow meant snowmen. Snow meant salted roads, last minute accommodations, and nature’s attempt at giving us something else to place the blame on. The icicles accounted for our tardiness, lack of emotion, and gave us all a reason to sleep beyond what was determined to be acceptable in current society.
And then it was spring….
The trees began to change color and I started to see that they were just shape shifters all along. The soft blooms were inviting. Every day consisted of reprogramming myself to accept a new normal. A deeper hue of pink, a more radiant pattern, an invitation to stay out just a little bit longer.
I wrote a while ago of the mountains being the only real constant in my life. I was scared. Life was changing by the day and I only wanted to find something tangible to hold on to. I figured that no matter how lost I became on my journey I’d always have some knowledge of where I began. That was extremely comforting.
I am excited today because I finally feel free. I’m learning, growing, and becoming such an adaptive human being. I’ve realized that the people, places, and events in my life all have a meaning and greater benefit. I’m also understanding that sometimes they aren’t positioned to benefit myself but to benefit others. You can spend your entire life searching for the silver lining in negative or otherwise scary situations. You can create an entire glossary of terms that talk about the way life and its events are randomly forced upon us.
I stopped relating the world to myself and started relating myself to rest of the world. I found a reason to love every single person in my life. I realized that even though some patterns were gorgeous to me… and elegant… and breath taking. They weren’t always my own. In some instances, I exist to serve the people around me. I’m a life lesson. I’m a friend. I’m a mistake. I’m a eureka moment. I’m something that shakes up their world and helps define their meaning. A role that is structured so similarly to the one you all play in my life.
I am happy because today… I am whatever the universe needs me to be.